Traveling at Christmas

Remember when traveling by plane used to be fun, elegant, exciting? No? Well….. those of us who are REALLY old do. And now traveling during a holiday is even more of a challenge. Like this holiday when the Mid Atlantic area was socked with snow and all those travelers that couldn’t travel at the beginning of the week were FORCED to travel today when I am trying to get to the East coast for a nice family Christmas. First, it is the news story on the radio when it goes off at 3:45am about the “near misses” experienced by planes due to a lack of enough air traffic controllers. Then, it’s the 4:30am taxi who arrives at 4:10AM when I have barely dried off from the shower. And while waiting in a rather long line to check in – even at 4:32 (which is when we got to the airport for our 6:15am departure) – I notice a rather rambunctious boy of about 6 who is running up and down the escalator. That’s running up the down and down the up escalator. And then LYING at the bottom of the up escalator squealing like a little pig as the steps fold up under his back and disappear into …… wherever elevator steps go. And I’m trying to pay attention to the ticket agent who is asking about my bag and where’s my ID and all those important questions. But I’m THINKING this kid is going to get his shirt sucked into elevator step HELL and THEN  there will be blood and gore and I WILL MISS MY OVERBOOKED FLIGHT!! But luckily the wild and wiggly small person jumps up and runs back to Mom and Dad who look very tired. As they wait in line, the child is talking NON STOP! I whisper to Mark, “Aren’t you glad we aren’t traveling with HIM!” So we get through security and get totally redressed and repacked (and in front of ALL those other people frantically trying to get recombobulated). And we find our gate. AND, best of all, Mark (who IS a saint) even finds GOOD coffee. And all is well. We will get on board – No, we will NOT volunteer to take another flight. Do we look crazy? – and we will eat the little meal I have packed (no promises on food provided) and all will be well. So we are one of the first to squish into our little seats and settle in because we are almost at the very back. And then it happens….. remember that little boy?....who almost DIED on the escalator? YES! He is sitting RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. Of course. And as soon as he sits down, he starts shouting, “When are we going to get going? When are we going to get going?” over and over. Now this plane is oversold and everyone has packed extra full bags. So nothing fits in the overhead and no one can get into their seats and it is taking a VERY long time to get us GOING. But finally, the doors shut and we begin to taxi….. Then he begins to shout, “WE ARE GOING TO DIE! WE ARE GOING TO DIE!” And I am thinking…. No….. not WE….. And his mother keeps leaning over and whispering to him to keep quiet. And he won’t, of course. And then she sees me watching (through the space between the seats) and says through  the crack, “I hope you like children….?” Good question. And THEN she asks him if he wants a chocolate brownie with chocolate icing…… HELP! Wait – there’s more. So we are still climbing with the seat belt sign on and it starts to get bumpy….. like we are driving a bus over boulders very fast. And my little friend HAS to pee. NO he can’t wait. HE HAS TO GO NOW! So up pops Mom AND Dad as my friend is, of course, by the window. And Dad runs him back to the bathroom while the flight attendant is saying (in a slightly pissed off way which they must practice in flight attendant training school) PLEASE remain seated while the captain has the fasten-seatbelt-sign on. And I agree as the Dad and son are bouncing from one side of the aisle to the other like an arcade game….. AND THEY WILL NOT GET THE HIGH SCORE. While they are gone, the flight attendant announces that there will be a bad children’s movie shown and headsets are $3 each and they don’t take cash. Now this is a movie FOR children that has BAD-AS-IN-STUPID content. And the Mom isn’t sure she has a credit card to get head sets. And I’m about to dig in my wallet or take up a collection to get her a set. And the boy and Dad return unscathed. The headsets are attached. The movie starts. And my little friend is…… quiet! And…… not wiggling! And his parents IMMEDIATELY fall asleep. Do you blame them?